Ambivalence

I am a passionate person.  It's just the way I'm wired.  And yes, there have been times I have allowed indecision to get the best of me. However, I do believe indecision is different than ambivalence.

This is just my opinion and since it's my blog I can say what I want, but to me an ambivalent person lacks passion.  They lack courage.  And they lack a sense of integrity.

I have been guilty of dragging my feet when I've had to make certain decisions.  That was probably due to fear and worrying if I was doing the right thing regarding certain circumstances.  Along with my passion, I am also a great worrier. Again, this is just the way I'm wired.

But if I had been ambivalent, I never would have made any choices at all.  I would have stayed on the fence long after night fell.  I don't stay on fences very often.  I ultimately decide what I want and when I do make that decision, I go after what I want.  It's called setting goals.  It's being passionate.  It's having drive and motivation to achieve your dreams and desires in this life.

I have no patience for ambivalence.  It's the cowardly way out. These people are too afraid to make a commitment, to see things through, so they do nothing.   Ambivalent people have no lackluster and they cause great frustration to all they come in contact with because they simply will not get off the fence.

The common expression to use for ambivalent people is "shit or get off the pot."  There's no other way to say it.  It's blunt but it clearly lets them know what they need to do.

So to all the ambivalent people out there--do something.  Anything.  Don't just stand there like a deer in the headlights.  And if your ambivalence gets in my way, I'm running you over.  I'm moving forward.  I'm moving on.  With or without you.  You'd better shit... or get off the pot.

Inevitable Change

The only constant in life is change.  We've all heard that a million times, right?  Well of course it's true.  And I knew this new year was going to pack a wallop in the "change" department.  I guess I didn't expect the changes to come so fast and furiously.  At every turn.  With lightning speed.  And my head is spinning from all the changes that I've been experiencing in these past few months.

Some of these changes feel extremely healthy and for the best.  Others...well...I don't know what to say.  I cannot control some of these new outcomes and I have to say I'm not exactly happy with the way certain aspects of my life are turning out.  For now anyway.  I'm hoping that everything works out for the best and the twisty, curvy road I'm currently on will eventually straighten out.  I would like to travel on a flat road for a little while because I know it's inevitable for the curvy twisty road of change to return. But lately my stomach simply cannot take all the jolts this current ride is offering.  

It's all fodder for the work, isn't it? I have to  keep telling myself that. Even when there's a lot of emotional pain involved, eventually it will find it's way into the writing. I'll use it to tell a good tale; write a great play.  I hope so anyway.  I really do.

Patience...

I am finally settling into my new digs in my new city.  This place is really wonderful, and though there is no perfect place, I think I am well-suited to living here.

This move was a leap of faith and I am adjusting to my new life as quickly as I can. Doing what it takes to feel comfortable in my new surroundings.  I have begun to reach out and attempt to immerse myself into the community, and in doing so, I have met some wonderful people.  I feel very fortunate in that regard. 

On the other hand, career-wise, things are not moving quickly enough.  Not quickly enough For Me.  Anyone who knows me well, knows I want things to happen yesterday!  P A T I E N C E is truly what is called for now. 

In the scheme of things, I have been here less than 5 months and things are moving along very well given that short amount of time.  Rome wasn't built in a day and all that jazz, right?

The whole point in moving here was to slow down!  So I need to do what I can to remain calm.  Even when things don't appear to be happening, I am sure that progress is being made.  I am planting seeds and am confident those seeds will take root and grow. 

In the meantime,  I'm thinking of taking up Yoga. Trading my beloved spin classes for something more serene like yoga seems like a good thing to do. I'm not too sure about that one though.  I'll keep you posted about what I decide to do.  I will also attempt to lower my caffeine intake (though giving it up completely seems like a ridiculously cruel thing to do to myself).  I have to remind myself often to breathe.  So be it. 

Patience.  Patience. Patience. Everything in it's time. And so it goes...and here I am.

The Inner Critic

The vile little creature is at it again…whispering ugly insults into my ear. Telling me I’m an inadequate, talentless piece of you know what. I’m serious. That’s what my inner critic is telling me. Nice, huh? She’s been here before but she was gone for awhile. Now she’s back. Making up for lost time, I suppose. Doing some serious damage with all the name-calling, but I’m fighting the good fight. Trying desperately not to listen to her--I even got some ear plugs, but the problem is I can hear her anyway.  Loud and clear she sings her mind-numbing song.

I used to talk to my students about the inner critic. Everyone has one, and I know they all had their share of evil murmurings from their own personal Diablo. I even wrote her into one of my plays as a major character! You’d think she would leave me alone after that, but no…she still shows up from time to time to wreak a little havoc. She likes to play games with my brain that leave me exhausted and emotionally drained.

I would tell my students they needed to do everything they could to ignore the negative ramblings of their inner critic. I told them to flick the pesky little imp off their shoulder and demand it to “shut up!” I need to take my own advice today.  I'm flicking like crazy, but she will not be deterred.  She's like an annoying little mosquito buzzing around my head and nothing seems to detract her.

If you have battles with your personal inner critic, I'd love to know what you do to tell her to shove off.  I took a brisk walk in the lovely sunshine today and during the walk she left me alone.  But now...back at the keyboard, she has firmly ensconced herself on my shoulder and I feel her digging in her heels as she readies herself to strike a blow.  "Go to hell, Inner Critic.  Leave me alone today!"

Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.  I muddle through.  I suppose today isn't turning out to be a good writing day...I shall try again tomorrow.  Maybe tomorrow Ms. Inner Critic will have flown the coop.  Temporarily perhaps, but nevertheless, any relief from her would be welcome.

Making A Difference: Supporting the Arts

There are amazing artists all over the world who create original, innovative pieces that the majority of us do not get to see.  Instead, most people get their entertainment from reality television or they pay an exorbitant amount of money to see an overproduced Broadway show that may or may not be putting the lives of the performers in danger.

Why is bigger better?  In my book, less is more.  There is so much great theatre in this country that gets ignored because it doesn't have a huge following, a celebrity endorsement or a $65 million dollar budget.  It makes me sad and angry because I know so many worthy artists who deserve to have their work produced.

This being said, I would like to endorse a wonderful theatre company in New York City known as The Collective Theatre Company.  I had the privilege of working with the four founding members of this company and they are artists in every sense of the word.  They have integrity, intelligence, creativity and most importantly, spunk.  I admire what they are doing as they strive to bring thoughtful, innovative and authentic pieces to the forefront of the New York City theatre community.

The Collective Theatre is currently conducting a Kickstarter Program campaign to gain funding for their world premiere production of Einstein & Mileva written by Caitlin Shannon.  It is the story of Albert Einstein, acclaimed physicist, and his first wife, scientist Mileva Maric; the rise of his career, the loss of their daughter, and the effects of ambition on a seemingly infallible relationship. It is a play worthy of public attention; it will not cost $65 million dollars to produce, but they do need help with the funding.

If you are interested in supporting the arts and interested in supporting a wonderful theatre company, please visit their website and donate what you can.  All donations, regardless of the amount, are greatly accepted.

I'm writing this blog in true support of the Collective Theatre Company because I believe in this project and I believe in these people.  I'm spreading the word and hope they will be able to see this project come to fruition.  Help out if you can, and thanks for reading!

An Evening of 10-Minute Plays

I am happy to announce that an evening of my 10-minute plays will be presented at the School of Theatre & Dance at the  University of Montana.  This production was the brain child of my dear friend D. Marie Long and I'm so pleased and flattered that she felt strongly enough about my work to showcase an entire evening of my plays.  Wow!  Thank you D. Marie!

So, if you find yourself with nothing to do on a cold winter night in January, and you happen to be in the  vicinity of Missoula, Montana, head on over to the Masquer Theatre and enjoy a bit of theatre.  The plays are short, funny, thought-provoking and they all have a similar theme running through them:  Being out of control.  Everyone can relate to that feeling every now and then, don't you think?

Kicking off 2011 with a brand new production of my work feels great.  Hopefully, this will be a sign of what the rest of year will bring!

Ideas: Where do they Come From?

I recently finished a draft for a short play I was working on.  This particular piece had been sitting on my computer for over 6 months half-finished.  In an attempt to clean up some files on my computer, I came across a lot of works-in-progress.  Some of them clearly needed to be tossed, but there was something about this play that I liked and I felt it deserved to be completed.

I had no idea where I was going with it, but I did indeed finish writing the play.  I sent it to a trusted friend who I know will give me the straight dirt on whether the piece showed any promise or if it needed to be filed in the recycle bin.

The first thing she said was, "I liked it." (Phew!  Affirmation is good!)  The second thing she said was, "Where do you get these ideas?!?" (That's the punctuation she used and everything!)

So, I realized I couldn't answer that question.  I did not specifically set out to write the play that I wrote.  Does that make sense?  That's not always the case.  I recently finished a play that was a very specific assignment with a very specific theme and I knew what I needed/wanted to write.  But other times, like with this new short play, I wasn't sure where I was going.  I liked the characters; I liked the way they spoke to one another, and I let them lead the way.  It turned out to be a quirky little 10-minute play and I'll be having it read by my playwrighting group in a couple of weeks.  We'll see what they say about it and if they think it has any legs to go further.

But my point is, where do the ideas come from?  For me, they come from life.  They come from places you'd least expect it.  They come from eavesdropping in grocery stores and restaurants and standing in line at the bank.  (Yes...I'm a voracious eavesdropper, just so you know!) But my initial ideas usually morph into something else.  Nine times out of ten, the idea changes as the writing progresses.  Well, the core may remain the same, but not always.  You can't control creativity.  You gotta give it free reign...let it run wild.  When you do your rewrite...that's when you try to tame it a bit.  But rewrites?  Oy...rewrites are a bitch!

So tell me...where do your ideas come from?