Saturday, February 19, 2011

Inevitable Change

The only constant in life is change.  We've all heard that a million times, right?  Well of course it's true.  And I knew this new year was going to pack a wallop in the "change" department.  I guess I didn't expect the changes to come so fast and furiously.  At every turn.  With lightning speed.  And my head is spinning from all the changes that I've been experiencing in these past few months.

Some of these changes feel extremely healthy and for the best.  Others...well...I don't know what to say.  I cannot control some of these new outcomes and I have to say I'm not exactly happy with the way certain aspects of my life are turning out.  For now anyway.  I'm hoping that everything works out for the best and the twisty, curvy road I'm currently on will eventually straighten out.  I would like to travel on a flat road for a little while because I know it's inevitable for the curvy twisty road of change to return. But lately my stomach simply cannot take all the jolts this current ride is offering.  

It's all fodder for the work, isn't it? I have to  keep telling myself that. Even when there's a lot of emotional pain involved, eventually it will find it's way into the writing. I'll use it to tell a good tale; write a great play.  I hope so anyway.  I really do.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011


I am finally settling into my new digs in my new city.  This place is really wonderful, and though there is no perfect place, I think I am well-suited to living here.

This move was a leap of faith and I am adjusting to my new life as quickly as I can. Doing what it takes to feel comfortable in my new surroundings.  I have begun to reach out and attempt to immerse myself into the community, and in doing so, I have met some wonderful people.  I feel very fortunate in that regard. 

On the other hand, career-wise, things are not moving quickly enough.  Not quickly enough For Me.  Anyone who knows me well, knows I want things to happen yesterday!  P A T I E N C E is truly what is called for now. 

In the scheme of things, I have been here less than 5 months and things are moving along very well given that short amount of time.  Rome wasn't built in a day and all that jazz, right?

The whole point in moving here was to slow down!  So I need to do what I can to remain calm.  Even when things don't appear to be happening, I am sure that progress is being made.  I am planting seeds and am confident those seeds will take root and grow. 

In the meantime,  I'm thinking of taking up Yoga. Trading my beloved spin classes for something more serene like yoga seems like a good thing to do. I'm not too sure about that one though.  I'll keep you posted about what I decide to do.  I will also attempt to lower my caffeine intake (though giving it up completely seems like a ridiculously cruel thing to do to myself).  I have to remind myself often to breathe.  So be it. 

Patience.  Patience. Patience. Everything in it's time. And so it goes...and here I am.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

The Inner Critic

The vile little creature is at it again…whispering ugly insults into my ear. Telling me I’m an inadequate, talentless piece of you know what. I’m serious. That’s what my inner critic is telling me. Nice, huh? She’s been here before but she was gone for awhile. Now she’s back. Making up for lost time, I suppose. Doing some serious damage with all the name-calling, but I’m fighting the good fight. Trying desperately not to listen to her--I even got some ear plugs, but the problem is I can hear her anyway.  Loud and clear she sings her mind-numbing song.

I used to talk to my students about the inner critic. Everyone has one, and I know they all had their share of evil murmurings from their own personal Diablo. I even wrote her into one of my plays as a major character! You’d think she would leave me alone after that, but no…she still shows up from time to time to wreak a little havoc. She likes to play games with my brain that leave me exhausted and emotionally drained.

I would tell my students they needed to do everything they could to ignore the negative ramblings of their inner critic. I told them to flick the pesky little imp off their shoulder and demand it to “shut up!” I need to take my own advice today.  I'm flicking like crazy, but she will not be deterred.  She's like an annoying little mosquito buzzing around my head and nothing seems to detract her.

If you have battles with your personal inner critic, I'd love to know what you do to tell her to shove off.  I took a brisk walk in the lovely sunshine today and during the walk she left me alone.  But now...back at the keyboard, she has firmly ensconced herself on my shoulder and I feel her digging in her heels as she readies herself to strike a blow.  "Go to hell, Inner Critic.  Leave me alone today!"

Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.  I muddle through.  I suppose today isn't turning out to be a good writing day...I shall try again tomorrow.  Maybe tomorrow Ms. Inner Critic will have flown the coop.  Temporarily perhaps, but nevertheless, any relief from her would be welcome.