Distraction

Whoa!  Did you see that?  I'm just gonna look over here for a minute, and then I'll get back to work.  And now it's time to...

Holy cow!  That's amazing.  I need to read this article.  But I'll bookmark it and save it for later.  I'll read it later.  And I'll read this one later, and this one, and this one.  If I bookmark it, I'll forget about it, so I'll email the link to myself.  I'll email all these as links.

Wow, look at all the emails in my inbox.  Oh...they're from me.  Reminding me to read these articles which have nothing to do with anything I'm doing.  They seemed interesting at the time.  Why did I want to read that article again?  Delete.  Delete.  Delete.

Facebook!  Just five minutes to see how great everyone else's life is.  Everyone gets to go on vacation but me. Everyone is having the best summer and I'm just sitting here writing and complaining how hot it is.  But I'd never complain on Facebook.  I don't want people to think I'm not having a great time.

Let me check my calendar.  Whoops...that deadline is coming up.  I'd better get to work.  But let me just do a little online shopping first.  I wanted to check out that one website that have brand name shoes for discount prices and free shipping.  Wait, I can't afford to buy any shoes.  I'll just browse a little bit and then I'll get to work.

I'm getting to work.

I'm hungry.

I left dishes in the sink.

I have so much laundry to do.

I need to Google that restaurant so I can read their menu.

I should take a break.  Take a walk.  Get out from behind this desk.  

I'm hungry.

I'm tired.

It's 5pm.  I think I'm done for the day.

It's All Been Done?

Get Milked

"You know what's wrong with everybody?  Too smart.  I know it sounds crazy.  I know.  But it's true.  Everybody's too smart.  It's like everybody knows everything and everybody argued everything and everything got hashed out and settled the day before I was born.  It's not fair.  They know about gravity so nobody talks about gravity.  It's a dead issue.  Look at me.  My feet are stuck to the fuckin' floor.  Fantastic.  But no.  That's gravity.  Forget it.  It's been done, it's been said, it's been thought, so fuck it.  It's not fair.  I've been shut outta everything that mighta been good by a smartness around that won't let me think one new thing."
From the play Savage in Limbo by John Patrick Shanley

Originality.  I sometimes wonder if it even exists anymore.  I get an idea for a story or a play and then I realize it's already been written.  But the fact is, it hasn't been written by me.

Yeah, I get frustrated.  All the time.  I feel like I'm constantly trying to reinvent myself or figure out what my "style" is.  Who am I as an artist?  What are the types of stories and characters am I attracted to? There are trends in storytelling.  Have you noticed that?  Vampires, Memoirs, Robots with emotions...when one or two are successful, we suddenly find ourselves inundated with similar styles.  I don't want to jump on anybody else's train.  I want my own train.

I think the trick is to not worry whether or not the story I want to tell has been told.  The odds are, it has.  But the fact is we are human beings that share the same experiences and the same emotions.  It's those very things that can make our stories resonate with a large group of people.

So am I struggling?  Yes.  Do I want to write a play about it?  Yes.  Has it been done before?  Yes.  But it has never been done by me.  It is original to me.  So I shake off this ennui...and I begin...again.

Spontaneous Living

Alfred Gockel

Sunday morning I met a friend for coffee.  We hadn't seen each other in awhile, so it felt good to catch up.  We spent a couple of hours together, and then said goodbye to go about our day.  It was Sunday. I had some errands I needed to run, but I didn't really have any other plans, and I was feeling good and happy after spending time with my friend.

As I started to walk to my car, I noticed the couple sitting at the picnic table outside the coffeehouse.  The man and I made eye contact and he said, "Excuse me?"  I noticed the accent right away.  I thought they might be Italian.  He wanted directions to downtown Portland.  His English was sketchy, but certainly I could understand him.  They were not Italian; they were from Spain. They didn't have a car and I'm not that familiar with public transit since I do have a car.

So, in the matter of seconds, I sized them up.  I listened to my gut which told me they were good people; they weren't Bonnie & Clyde conspiring to hijack me and steal my life. Plus, I was feeling good.  Spontaneous.  And I was going in that direction anyway!  I asked them if they were comfortable with me giving them a ride.  They were thrilled.  Silver and Veronica.  I drove them downtown and as I was doing so, Silver asked if they could buy me lunch or a drink to thank me for my kindness.  I almost said no.  But why not?  So I said that would be lovely!

We walked around for a bit and then went to grab a bite to eat.   They were delightful company, and the language barrier appeared to get less and less as we talked and joked and got to know each other.  Veronica was shy about her English, as I was with my Spanish, but we both warmed up quickly and communicated with each other easily.

After lunch, I took them down to the Waterfront near Saturday Market and bid them goodbye. We gave each other big hugs as if we had been friends for longer than 2 hours. We are now Facebook friends and I invited them to contact me again. They, in turn invited me to visit them if and when I make it to Spain.

It would have been so easy to have walked by them.  To dismiss them when they asked for directions in broken English.  But what I did was I embraced the moment.  I listened to my instincts which told me I had nothing to fear (my instincts speak loudly when people are creepy and untrustworthy).  

And the take-away was that I met two wonderful people whom I was able to share a mini-adventure with.  I may never see Silver & Veronica again, but spending time with them on Sunday afternoon was a lesson in living in the moment, listening to my instincts and being spontaneous.  It's a practice we could all benefit from and I hope to live that way more frequently.

Silver, Me & Veronica

The Uphill Climb

There are times when you feel like you're just cruisin' along in life.  Things aren't bad; you're just doing your thing.  Kinda like riding a bike on a flat road.  And then you turn a bend and there it is.  The uphill climb.  Seemingly endless.  No break in sight.  The road just keeps going up and up and up.

That's where I'm at.  I'm climbing.  I am schvitzing like crazy climbing up this steep and steady hill. I'm learning a lesson in endurance.  I'm attempting to pace myself because I don't know how long it's going to be before I hit that flat road again.  Or even better, before I reach the downhill portion of this particular journey.  
I can't coast now.  I'm peddling. Slowly.  It's taking all the strength I can muster in my lungs and my legs.  Climb.  Breathe.  Don't stop peddling.  Climb. Breathe.  Peddle. Sweat pours down my face, into my eyes.  It stings. My legs are burning.  My lungs feel ready to explode.  Must keep climbing.  Because I know, the higher I climb, the better the view will be when I reach the top.

Missing my Fellow Bloggers!

© 2011-2014 the denied

Yes, I took 18 months off from blogging.  Yes, the world keeps turning even when I decide to check out for awhile.  Yes, change is good and things can't always stay the same.  But when I started this blog in 2008, I had no idea what was in store for me.  And what was in store you may ask?  Well, most importantly, I met other bloggers.  People from all over the world.  And I commented on their blogs and they commented on mine.  And sometimes we became Facebook friends.  And we wished each other Happy Birthday and every so often a "How are you doing?" and we had this whole cyber friendship which I found quite rewarding and fulfilling.

So, when I took time off from blogging, that world sort of fell away.  Not surprising at all--the world keeps turning.  And when I started blogging again about a month ago, I didn't expect the red carpet to be rolled out for me and 100 comments waiting to be posted.  

But it's awfully quiet around here.  So if you are reading this, please take the time to say hello.  Comment on this post or any others you may find here that appeal to you.  Currently, I'm making an effort to post once a week.  If I can do more I will.

I know there is so much to read out there on the Interwebs.  I know, I know, I know! Information overload.  But I'm attempting to keep things light, humorous, nothing too taxing or controversial.  I'm just talking about my little life here in Portland, Oregon and would love to connect with other bloggers who are writing similarly.

I hope you'll take the time to say hello.  Tell me about your blog.  Let's connect--one blogger to another.  Thanks everybody!  Hope you all have a great week!

Portland, I Hardly Knew Ye...

The food pod across the street from my house is closing after the summer.  It's the third pod I know of on my side of town that's going to close after the summer season is over.  Is saying that I'm devastated about this hyperbolic?  No.  I don't think it is.  I'm devastated by this.

When I arrived in Portland nearly 4 years ago, I was absolutely delighted by this new city I now called home.  I wondered what had taken me so long to "discover" Portland.  Everything about this place made me happy.  I felt a strong sense of community, uniqueness, quirkiness--all the qualities I like to attract in my own life.

At the same time that I moved to PDX, the TV series "Portlandia" was released.  The secret was out.  Now everyone knew what I knew about this gem of a city.  Of course, Portland isn't everybody's cup of tea.  But the spotlight was shining and within a very short period of time, the city was changing.

Residential development is everywhere.  California license plates abound.  The traffic is getting worse; the unique neighborhoods that have tons of character and odd, little shops are now changing to posh, slick, boutique-lined streets with restaurants where I can't even afford a Happy Hour drink.  It's starting to look like...oh dear me...it's starting to look like Los Angeles.  

There are still plenty of wonderful things about Portland.  Don't get me wrong.  I'm not leaving anytime soon.  But it's not the same city I moved to just a short time ago.  And I'm disappointed.  I hardly got a chance to experience the "real" Portland and now it's changing, growing, becoming a sleeker version of itself.  I liked the way it was before.  And though I'm definitely an advocate for change, this seems to be happening all too quickly.

Plus, the food pod across the street from my house is leaving at the end of summer.  But I already told you that.  Rumor has it the lot will be developed for more condos and apartments with outlandish rents that people like me cannot afford.  The food pod has added so much to my experience living here. It's not just about the availability of really good food directly across the street.  It added warmth, community, and individuality to this already charming neighborhood. That will disappear by the end of this year.  I'm truly devastated.  And I promise you, that's not hyperbole.

Let's Talk About Freelancing!

It sounds like a dream, doesn't it?  Working from home; getting up when you want, chomping on a bagel with a schmear and a cup of coffee while you leisurely pound out creative and innovating articles or ad copy.  Those of you who work typical 9-5 type jobs might think, "Man, what a life!"  But the reality is far from this cozy little scenario.  

Though I work as a playwright, teaching artist and director, it's all freelance.  I am self-employed and lemme tell you folks, it can be a grind.  It's the hardest job I've ever had.  Because I'm always working.  I'm always looking for gigs, and when I secure a gig, I'm always looking for the next one. It never ceases to amaze me how I go through times of feast or famine.  I'm either too busy for my own good, or I've got no clients or jobs lined up and I start experiencing panic that I will never work again.

I know a lot of freelancers go through this.  Actors, writers, graphic designers and artists of all kinds have related similar stories to me regarding the feast or famine work issue. All I can say about that is when you're feasting try to prepare for the inevitable lean times. This can be easier said than done, but the more you work, the more you're setting yourself up for increased work opportunities.

What do I mean by that?  Well, you're establishing a network.  It's all about connections, baby.  You do a good job, they'll hire you again.  You do a GREAT job and they'll start recommending you to others.  That's the best place to be--when they come to you! I like nothing better than getting offered a job I didn't solicit. Manna from Heaven droppin' into my lap.  It's happening more and more frequently as I get myself out there and build a strong reputation for myself. But the lean times still happen all too frequently, so it's a constant hustle.

Freelancers, I would love to hear from you!  Please share your stories, comments and advice for those of us who are in the trenches.  With our collective experience, we can all help each other make our individual practice more fruitful and rewarding.

Back Again!

Hello Everyone!  After an 18 month absence from blogging, I've decided to pick up where I left off.  Hopefully, if you were following in the past, you'll join me again.  If you're new to the blog, well, this is a great time to drop by and see what's up after my very long hiatus.

I'm honestly not sure why I stopped. I really love blogging. The last post was New Year's Eve 2012 and I thought I might take a break for a month or so.  And then I guess I got really busy.  Yeah.  It's not like I was twiddling my thumbs thinking, "Nah...I've got nothin' to say.  Not gonna write a blog post today."  On the contrary.  I think I got too busy and one month off turned into 18!  Yowza!  Time sure does know how to fly, fly, fly!

So what has been going on, you might ask?  Well...I've been doing what I do.  New plays have been written, new shows have been directed, new classes taught and I just keep on truckin' baby, and marching to the beat of my own drummer.  

The day I decided to return to the blog, there was an interesting turn of events.  I came home from a meeting and was having a little lunch when I heard this gurgling sound.  I looked in the kitchen sink.  Nothin'.  Went back to my sandwich.  Heard the gurgle again.  As I walked down the hallway I realized I was sloshing in a pool of water.  My shower was gushing like a geyser and it wasn't stopping anytime soon.  The bathroom mats were already floating about and the water was making it's way out of the bathroom and down the hallway into the bedroom and living room.

I quickly called my landlord who thankfully responded immediately.  The water was about 2 inches by the time the gushing seemed to stop.  I was flooded.  Scrambling to pick up electrical wires and everything else that was on the floor and in the path of the wetness, the first thing I grabbed was my computer.  Computer equals life!  Oh, did I mention that I had a pounding headache and my throat was on fire and all I wanted to do was take a nap?  Yeah, there was that too.

Cause:  There was blockage in the pipes.  Luckily it wasn't sewer water coming up from the drain.  If it had been, I wouldn't be laughing about this now.  (Am I laughing now?) My landlord was awesome.  Helped me hang all my rugs to dry and even threw my bathroom mats and towels in the washing machine for me.  I took off for the weekend and spent my time recuperating at my partner's house. (Yes, I have a partner now--13 months and going strong!) I came home 3 days later; the rugs were dry, the floors were dry and there was no mildew smell as I had kept the windows open and left the fans running the entire time I was gone.

So what is this watery metaphor?  I was purged?  My apartment was baptized?  I've been cleansed?  Oh, we could go on forever with this.  But needless to say, it's time to start fresh.  Time to start new.  Wash away the old and press forward.  I'm back to blogging.  It feels very, very good.  If it took a flooded apartment to get me back here, so be it.  I met amazing people the last time I was blogging.  I hope to meet them again and more.  I hope you'll stay for the ride! 

If you've been here before, drop me a comment; I'd love to hear from you.  If you're just finding me now, I'd love to know that too!  

Happy New Year!

2012 was a pretty good year.  No complaints. Excited to see what's in store. I started last year with one of my favorite quotes for the New Year, so I thought I'd do it again.  Happy New Year Everyone!  Wishing Peace, Love, Health, Prosperity and a Damn Good Time to all!!

"We will open the book.

Its pages are blank.

We are going to put words on them ourselves.

The book is called Opportunity

and its first chapter is New Year's Day."

~Edith Lovejoy Pierce

Winding Down the Year

And suddenly it's December!  Yowza...where did this year go?  I've been so immersed in multiple projects that I turned around and realized I was looking down my nose at the holiday season.  2013 is just around the corner, and I'm  already filling my plate for the new year.  I am grateful!

And now it's time to write a play.  I've received commissions 3 years in a row now to write plays dealing with a variety of social issues.  The topics have included climate change, bullying and prescription drug abuse.  Now I'm working on a play that deals with dating violence among teens.  It has not been a pleasant subject to research, but it's a pervasive problem in our society and I'm doing my best to write a relevant and provocative piece.

This holiday month will find me hunkered down in my favorite coffee spot, hovering over my laptop and attempting to put words on paper for a first draft.  Ideas are surging; I just need to get out of my own way and WRITE!

Midway through the month, I will find the time to ring in some holiday cheer as I host my 2nd annual holiday party with a glorious group of amazing friends.  But then I'm immediately back to filling up the blank pages.  Not an easy feat, but an occupational hazard nevertheless.  I'm actually looking forward to the process.  I've been so busy teaching and directing this fall, this is the first time in a few months that I have the opportunity to work on my own playwrighting project.  It always starts off stressful, but once I get underway, it can be joyful (when it's not painful, of course!)

Happy Holiday friends!  As 2012 winds down, be good to yourselves, be good to others and replenish and refresh for a brand new year ahead!

Ephemory

It's all about the play I'm directing these days, folks.  Ephemory written by Miriam Feder opens Friday, November 9th.

Heading into tech week and the countdown has begun.  Wanted to share an article from The Oregonian about Miriam, me and the show.  Click here to read the interview.

That's all for now.  Once the show opens, I'll be back to blogging regularly. I hope.

If you're in Portland, I hope to see you at the theater!

It's Fall!

And what a bountiful fall it is!  The weather has been perfect here in the Pacific Northwest, and since I haven't written since August 1st, it may be clear that I have been one busy lass!  Thank you Universe! Busy is good!

I am blessed to be doing everything I love to do.  I am teaching, writing, and directing a lovely new work by playwright Miriam Feder.  I was fortunate enough to celebrate a fun-filled birthday with a group of fantastic friends. I was surrounded by great food, lots of love and laughter and 2 birthday cakes!  It was a grand evening!

And now for the plug of shameless self-promotion!  

Opening November 9th at the Headwaters Theatre and running 3 weekends is "Ephemory" a new play by Miriam Feder and directed by yours truly. "Ephemory" is a coming of age/falling through age story about memory, legacy, family, immigration, war and love. Tickets are on sale now, so if you're in the Portland area in November, please come out and see this heart-warming piece of theatre.

After the show opens, I'll be concentrating on writing 2 new plays of my own based upon commissions I received this past summer.  Yes indeed, I am one busy woman, but so very grateful for all the opportunities that have opened up for me.  If you don't hear from me until December, you'll know why, but I will try to blog again soon!

Thanks to all for reading and for your support.  Have a wonderful fall everyone!

It's a Quiet Thing...

Today was a long day.  Taught a lot of little kids a little about acting.  Then I taught some older kids a lot about acting.  And because it was the last day of class for my older students, their parents came in to watch them strut their stuff.  It wasn't a performance; it was a presentation.  Extremely informal.  But they played some theater games and did some monologues, and they had fun and the parents were pleased because their children were laughing.  Sometimes it isn't easy teaching a lot to a little kid, or teaching a little to an older kid, but it's always worth it.

When I got home, I had a large piece of mail.  It was the new 10-minute play anthology published by Smith and Kraus entitled The Best 10-Minute Plays 2011 edited by Lawrence Harbison.  One of my plays is included in this anthology.  Yes, I knew it was coming, but frankly I forgot.  And I will never get over the thrill of holding a book in my hand, and seeing my name in print.  


So here I am, holding the new anthology, skimming through it, feeling very pleased that more of my written work is out in the world, and the lyrics to the Kander & Ebb song came floating through my mind:

"When it all comes true

Just the way you planned

It's funny but the bells don't ring,

It's a Quiet Thing..."

I've been getting a lot of accolades lately.  That will never get old.  I've been getting positive feedback for my writing, my teaching, and now, on this day, I am holding in my hand something tangible that makes it all worthwhile.  It's not earth-shattering...the world won't change because of it.  But it's mine. It's my little success story.  And yes, it's a quiet thing.  But it's also an incredibly satisfying thing! 

Thanks for letting me share this with you!

JAW 2012: A Playwright's Festival

I am delighted and excited for the upcoming JAW Festival at Portland Center Stage.

JAW focuses on the playwright and on new work and last year was my first time experiencing the festival.  It was fantastic. And the admission is free.  So it's a theater-lovers dream!

And this year...well, my friends, this year, I am privileged to be a part of the festival.

To kick off the festivities, there will be the Made in Oregon Festival where 8 Oregon playwrights (including myself) were commissioned to write a short play based on the theme Just Add Water (JAW). That event takes place at 8pm on Thursday, July 26th.  If you're in town, come on down to the Gerding Theatre.  It's going to be a real treat to see what these 8 playwrights have concocted!

And then, for the remainder of the weekend, from Friday, July 27th through Sunday, July 29th, there will be readings of  six brand new full-length plays by some amazing playwrights.  Click here for the full schedule of readings.  

There will also be plays written by the Promising Playwrights.  These are high school students who participated in the Visions and Voices program through PCS (which was taught by the fantastic Matt Zrebski and myself).  These short plays written by these extraordinary young writers will be featured prior to some of the full-length readings.

Be sure to check out this terrific festival if you're in Portland July 26th through July 29th.  I'll be there.  Come say hello!

Another Opening, Another Show...

A quick post since I am off to final dress rehearsal for the show I've been directing.  We open tomorrow night.  I am bleary-eyed, but that always comes with the territory.  
Details below.  If you are in Portland, come on out.  It's a fun time!
See you at the theatre!

Written by Phil Busse

With Nathan Crosby, Zoe Rudman, Brad Bolchunos

Directed by Debbie Lamedman

Fridays & Saturdays, June 23^rd through July 21^st

10:30PM

CoHo Theater

2257 NW Raleigh St.

For tickets visit www.cohoproductions.org or 

www.boxofficetickets.com/go/event?id=187865

Wearing Many Hats...

I very distinctly remember the year 2005.  The year was distinctive for many reasons, but mainly because I hit my stride career-wise, and in the height of things, I was juggling 6 different gigs at once.


It was a crazy time, but enormously satisfying.  I was teaching multiple classes of acting and public speaking, directing two different  plays at the same time (not recommended), writing a book, and privately coaching about 5 different clients during this time period.


To say I was busy is obviously an understatement.  Each day I kept post-its by my alarm clock to tell me what day it was and where I had to be.  Yes, it was insane, overwhelming, at times stressful and mind-boggling and yet I thrived. In hindsight, the balance of my life was completely out-of-whack; I had no social life or relaxation time to speak of.  But I believe everything happens for a reason, and eventually I made up for it!


I think balance is essential.  I really do.  But I also discovered that I'm the type of person who needs to have multiple activities going on all at once in order to stay interested.  Boredom kills creativity.  Like a shark, I need to constantly keep moving or I lose interest in myself.


So now, 7 years later, I'm back to the juggling act.  I'm not quite up to 6 gigs (nor do I want to be), but I am once again, writing (of course I am), coaching, directing and teaching.  And loving every minute of it.  And though it takes some effort these days to do so, I find ways to make time for the special people in my life.  My friends are very high on my priority list; so I make time to meet for coffee or a brew and keep in the loop.  Finding the balance of work and down-time.


I do not feel overwhelmed quite yet, though I anticipate I will as the play I'm directing goes into tech, the deadline for my writing projects get closer, and my students demand more of my attention.  But the thing is, I've done this before, and I can do it again.  And this time around, I'm really learning to enjoy the ride.  


It's going to be a great summer!

Interview on BroadwayWorld.com

I got a gig writing for the Portland theatre scene  for BroadwayWorld.com.  Pretty cool, huh?  I'm not going to do reviews; I'm not a critic, nor do I want to be.  So my articles will mainly focus on what's going on around town, and interviews with notable people in the theatre.

My first interview is already up on the site.  I talked with solo performer Eleanor O'Brien who is a delightful, delicious artist who is about to head out on a Fringe Festival tour with her show, Good Girls Guide:  Dominatrix for Dummies. The show is saucy, salacious, lovely and poignant all at once. So is Eleanor.  She is amazing, and if nothing else, I'm a huge fan of her courageousness on stage; not to mention a fan of the woman herself.

Hope you enjoy the interview.  It's a fun read.  Looking forward to writing much more about the wonders of the Portland Theatre Community.

If you have any specific requests as to who or what you want to read about, feel free to email me with your ideas!  Thanks and I'll see you at the theatre!

Opening Night!!

Just a quick post to announce that my newest play, Rx will premiere Wednesday night, April 25th.  And once again, I'm so sorry to say, I won't be able to attend.  The good news is that my work is being produced across this great land of ours.  But the bad news, I can't always be there to see it. 


Rx was a commissioned piece written especially for the high school theatre students of Pittsburg, Kansas.  This is the 3rd year in a row they have commissioned me to write an original piece for them.  Rx deals with the pervasive use of prescription drugs among teens.  I'm very proud of this piece. 


A big thanks to Greg Shaw, the cast and crew of Rx and my girl Kristi Alarid who lent me her brain and taught me so much about all sorts of prescription meds and their effect on people.  And she was able to put it all in terms I could understand and not use a whole lot of medical jargon as she was explaining it all to me.  THANK YOU KRISTI!  You are a walking, talking encyclopedia and I'm so grateful to you!


For those of you in the Portland area, I will be having a short play performed on May 12th.  If you're interested, send me an email and I'll give you all the delightful details, including the fact that I'm acting in it as well as having written it!  Oh my goodness...this should be interesting. But it will be worth seeing, because it's directed by the extraordinary Jane Bement Geesman and features the outstanding talents of Kristin Olson and Morgan Cox.  These babes are the best!!


Creativity abounds!  I feel lucky.  I feel grateful!  The weather here in Portland has been gorgeous; good things are happening and I am so very happy to be here! Yay!

Getting Unstuck, Creatively Speaking...

I committed to this script-writing challenge for the month of April, called Script Frenzy. The challenge is to write 100 pages in the month of April, and hopefully have a first-draft of a play by April 30th.  No sweat, right?  Ha!


I started off great.  Worked diligently for the first 9 days of April, and then on April 10th...something happened.  Well, actually...nothing happened.  I stopped writing.  Why?  Well...in a word...life.  I let life interrupt me.  It's known to do that from time to time. And you know what Mr. Isaac Newton said, right?  A body in motion, tends to stay in motion, but a body at rest, stays at rest.  Because as soon as I stopped, I found it very difficult to start up again.  And now I'm way behind and there are only 2 weeks left.


When a friend of mine suggested a hike in the glorious Columbia River Gorge, I knew it was exactly what I needed to free my mind.  And, if you've been following this blog at all, you know of my love for waterfalls.  I have a very emotional and visceral response when getting up close and personal to these magnificent creations of Nature.


We had the trail to ourselves; just me, my friend and his two wonderful dogs. We hiked along for awhile, the mist intensifying as we made our way up and down and all around.  We heard the water falling before we saw it, and then there she was.  In all her majestic glory.  And I stood up on a boulder, and let the mist encompass me.  I felt amazing; I felt all my stress release in that one moment; I turned to my friend to thank him for bringing me to this spectacular place, and found, not surprisingly, emotion rising in my throat.


Much, much later in the day, after I finished rehearsing for my play that's going up next month, I sat down and wrote 5 pages of my script.  It was midnight, and I wrote without stopping. 5 pages.    Is it any good?  I have no idea.  Does it make sense to the story I previously created?  I have no idea.  If I read through it, I think I would become blocked again.  But it doesn't matter if it's good or bad.  What matters is that the momentum has picked up once again.  I will worry about the quality of the writing when it's time to rewrite and revise.  


For now I'm just thankful to the beauty and wonder of Nature. For freeing me up...I'm so grateful to be living in such a stunning place and whenever I seek solitude, friendship, wonder and awe, it is literally in my very own backyard.  Who would have ever thought this city gal would become a Nature girl.  Yet here I am, and the better for it!

A Peculiar Dream...

I usually remember my dreams upon waking, but if they aren't note-worthy, they wash away from my thoughts like the tide going out in the ocean.  But last night...hmmm...a strange and evocative dream came my way. And when I woke up, it took awhile to shake it.  It was slightly disturbing, but not in a violent or gruesome way.  Then I fell back asleep and the dream continued.  That rarely happens to me. It was like watching a movie.  And I had put the dream on pause, and when I went back to sleep, I must have pushed the play button.


Of course, the longer I am awake, the less I recall the specifics.  I was talking to my mom this morning, because she had played a role in the dream, and I was trying to tell her about it.  But my words were disjointed; I was stumbling and fumbling with language.  I couldn't seem to be specific as to what had unfolded in my subconscious mind.


Even now, as I try to write about it, I find myself faltering.  All I know is life in my dream was changing at a dramatically fast pace.  In my dream, I had to leave the life I was comfortable with to forge into the vast unknown.  I was scared; there were people in my dream who wanted to harm me. But there were crowds of others, strangers, who wished me well.   It was dark, pitch-black; throngs of people in my midst trying to flee as well from a horrible existence.  It sounds like George Orwell, doesn't it?  That's the sense I got from it. I was trapped in my own version of "1984."


In my dream, I received a text message from an unknown caller.  One word appeared on the screen..."Courage." In the dream, I was being forced to leave my belongings and my home behind.  Where was I being herded to?  I do not know.  Courage...


When I put this down on paper, it seems like such a simple metaphor.  It's easy to see the parallels.   But in the moment, last night and again early today, the dream itself was truly haunting.  I felt a bit discombobulated this morning.


By the end of the day today, I'm sure those feelings will be gone.  That's how dreams work.  Since it's April 1st, I considered the dream to be an April Fool's joke from my subconscious.  But somehow I doubt that.  There is a real message here.  I know I need to pay attention.  But I also know I cannot let it bog me down.  And as usual, I move forward... 


What are the dreams you remember?